Purge the Crush

Hey, everyone has felt it at some point; that sweet tension and the feeling between your legs that betrays the emotion of nonchalantness that is carefully plastered all over your face. The literal feeling of fluttering butterflies and the quick contraction of your heart that tells you of the looming danger. It is exciting to feel that alive and weak at the same time; to feel that surrender that comes from the knowing that another has taken over your reasoning at that point in time. Time freezes almost at once, and everything stops and it seems only you exist in the world of more than ten billion people. If you had to choose whose life to save in that instant out of everyone apart from you, you knew that you would not even give a flinching thought to your parents but just bask in the knowledge that if you save this person’s life, they will forever be indebted to love you. Now, the most natural thing in the world would be for this person to just feel the same way, and get it over with right? Well... what if they don’t, what do you do then, will you just decide to die just so that you can be cleared of all the ridiculous embarrassment that comes from the knowing of your socio-emotional foolishness. Hell no! You are not going to sit there and feel sorry for yourself, you have to get over this nitwit who doesn’t realize that you maybe the best thing that ever happened to them (except in cases where they are taken) but the remedy to still get over is so simple; as simple as making babies. First, you have to cry; yes, I said it cry. Cry them out of your system till you can cry no more, just keep crying and call them anything you can think of ranging from boneheads to nitwits to whatever seems appropriate at the time. Then, watch a lot of movies if you are not the type that gets occupied with work, keep watching till your eyes threaten to explode and beg for the attention of rest. Babe; you gotta rebound the shithead! Have as many rebounds as possible, crush on any cute guy or girl, just keep crushing. Sigh at the most ludicrous of body types, fantasize, and be imaginative. All these, I learnt from experience because as many times as you think you can go by the book and try not talk about them or avoid seeing them, you realize that you just want to do all these and more and if (Dear God) your luck runs outs and you fall into the hands of the ones that would just milk you out of all emotions and leave you damaged goods, then you gonna be in loads of trouble so just think for a minute and resort to the things that you are sure is gonna help you. Darling, you have to purge that crush, ruin every picture, damage every hangout figuratively, you just have to let them out of your system one way or the other. It’s going to be a slow painful process if you are so into them but for others that are gifted at being healed quickly then it might not really suck for you. And yes, if you can’t restrain yourself from talking about them to your friends then by all means do, the most they’d do is roll their eyes and scream enough for all to hear; but they will not abandon you just because you can’t get over a ninny that fails to realize the potential you have as an individual. I really don’t have all the answers because I am as human as you are, I mean come on, I don’t have blue blood... and I’ve had a few crush mishaps of my own but this is my own remedy and how it worked for me, and for your info I stack the names of crushes and make sure we’ve shared a kiss just for my own keepsakes, and to show I conquered in at least one area. I don’t believe that you can make something happen if you don’t want to but if you do, well; that’s an entirely different story. So I’m gonna live you with this, keep crushing, keep feeling alive ‘cause you never know which one might just feel same about you; and if that’s not the case you better darn well don’t let it last more than it should. I mean it’s just pheromones and testosterones right, how hard can it be?

You can’t put the Old in the New

Everyone wants their lives to be like the movies, but no one ever thinks about what happens after; when the music finally stops playing. The harsh reality setting in, invading our emotions and our daydreams, making us wish for something we may never have. Common look at it, fairytales, the make believe world of make believe. Well... who knows what the ‘glass half-empty’ would look like that’s why we always want the glass half-full to give us hope that everything can be better and our own big dreams would come true. This is the world of reality people, a world where the car honks angrily at you just ‘cause it missed you by a heartbeat. A life where misery exists without seeing the big dream ahead, a life where a guy/girl walks off without even wishing they had you back. The real world people; that’s what it’s called not a world of fairies, unicorns, centaurs or mermaids; the list is endless. My mind moves in gazillion directions trying to find the connection to it all, the woe, the heartache, and the mystery behind the misery. It is so hard to even come to terms with the possibilities that exist within these occurrences and trying to decipher the unique code that seeks to bind them all together. The unholy matrimony between catastrophe and disorganization making it impossible to swallow; what happens when the abstract becomes the major determinant of your life, the beginning of the ending, the dark to the light, shades of grey in black and white. Suddenly all that used to be clear blue skies become a disharmony of dark clouds clashing with the thunder, and the lightning that follows just after it; the colors of the rainbow becoming a perfect misfit, blue meshing with the violet to form a deeper in-distinctive color that leaves only room for doubt of better days to come. This makes you feel like you’ve lost everything, and everything you ever believed in has been taken away from you to be replaced by this ugly monster in your head that tells you that things will never get better and you have to let it because at that junction, you are so consumed with melancholy that you cannot think of anything positive. What do you do when the pledge of forever has been taken out of the emotional equation to leave you with an imbalanced answer that makes the teacher of life mark you wrong at all turn? What happens when the catalyst whose usefulness to speed up the chemical reaction ends up damaging the whole compound? How do you cope with the intensifying pain that comes with being objectified just because of the way you feel? You become a recluse whose only mind is invaded by self-pity and self-loathe, the unworthiness of belonging to a world where everyone else is worthy and you are the only sorry excuse of a being who managed to be just put on earth as an object of mockery by the Creator. All these come from the guilt that you have borne on behalf of another who has indiscriminately hurt you without a thought to your mental state of mind. What do you do when you find that the person you’ve trusted all your life cheats on you with another, when all you’ve been concerned about was their safety? Usually, it’s not so hard to promise yourself and swear to God that you will never associate yourself with that individual again; but then, that’s all you can think about even after the Divorce, separation, the parting of ways or whatever. It is not an easy period for anyone involved in this can of infidelity. You can’t just pretend that they are non existence because at that point everyone knows; and it seems like wherever you go, or whatever you do, there is that constant reminder of what that being also meant to you. Some promise unforgiveness, others never to trust again but all you are really achieving is increasing the capacity to get hurt even deeper. You can’t go on living your life like seeing another day is the worst thing that can happen to you. In my opinion, I am with the school of thought that a break at that time is like a breath of fresh air; it helps to clear your system and it gives that distinct sense of freedom that you almost, probably, maybe lacked right from the beginning. Not just the physical break but emotionally as well from everything that you ever attached to the other in the first place. Then you let go of all the hurt, hatred, unforgiveness not just because you have to but for yourself to help start a fresh course in life. You might not get back together but eventually you will learn that those mistakes help shape who you are going ahead to be. It’ll be your decision eventually if you’d let them back into your life or if you are better off without them; but without this healing, you will find it hard to let other great individuals who have the capacity to change your life for the better into your life and even when you do, 20 years down the line it will have the potential to harm you and the others you’ve moved on with. Therefore, you have to re-direct all the negative energy and put into something you know will yield positivity. Just let go and let God. To be continued...

INFORMAL BOND

Stemming from the deep is a feeling far beyond what we can fathom. it thrives on our weakness, and lives on our regrets and sorrows right from the cradle. This cradle snatcher that lives on the sorrow in the heart of men is no respecter of person and seeks to draw blood whenever the soul requires, destroying the mind of its fortitude with which it seeks to protect itself. An uncanny feeling of being unwanted without a glimpse of hope yet to come. Basking in the knowledge of the disaster that still awaits us, and our heads, atone to its song. Speaking of tomorrow knowing today was no better and relishing the dream of unknown future. An Informal Bond it is called, we revere it because of the hold it has on us, binding us to the deep crevices of our past and leaving us with guilt that cannot be weighed by actions or words. It has the power to either heal us or damage us forever. A knowledge remaining constant in our minds that we cannot choose the family from whence this affection is got. From birth it is expected that the love that abides with us supersedes all other human emotions but what happens when we don't get the love we are so deserving of; altering our ages in some many ways either making us grow beyond our years or altering our age till our existence become a childlike symphony. Issues surrounding our growth have the ability to destroy new relationships we have decided to invest in, no matter how much we think we can put into, we find ourselves emotionally bankrupt and physically drained because the issues that have been a block becomes a means of survival. We barricade our hearts with our own wisdom making sure no one can penetrate enough to have the power to hurt us. Then someone decides to loves us and although we have decided to love that being in return, we find our spirit willing but our flesh weak because our mind has decided to control our very existence; therefore we try to break all the rules looking for a loophole in the agreement we have made with our mind, but without finding one, we renege on the agreement letting our mind laugh us silently to scorn because it knows that payback is near. Coming for a pound of flesh, it destroys our peace and makes unhappiness our forte and leaves us destitute and hopeless all because we never sought cleansing from childhood hurts and woes that have plagued us eternally. Without this cleansing we cannot attain the progress we want, but can only abide within ourselves blocking all entrance to our hearts. Healing will come if we let it, the ghost from the past can no longer destroy us if we fight to conquer with God and love on our side. Dedicated to people from abusive homes and negative upbringing that negatives emotions have destroyed love

Teach me to Pray: OBSESSION

From the mundane, heathen and spiritual is a distinct cry for mercy, a plea from the heart. An insidious request blossoming from the mind, having the tendency to be both destructive and life generating, first a thought of peace and then disaster; the hopeless, harmless expression of oneself without any iota of doubt that you are living for something extra-ordinary. Teach me to pray is about obsession of one for another, like a dagger to the heart comes this questionable regret. It is about transcending from normal to paranormal then to the insaneous sanity depicting your knowledgeable foolishness and thoughtful mindlessness. We never thought for once that our genuine affection for another could lead to an obscene destruction of our mind, and our person; never knowing we could transcend our emotions to the point where living without another becomes the very dread our soul faces. Being able to be dependent on our own self, we prided ourselves in the dispensability of others, we never gave a thought to the mind numbing, gut wrenching paralysis that came from losing another. The willingness to give your life for another in the hope that you would never be disappointed, so you give them your own life just to be able to drink from their own elixir, you start to survive on their survival. A shadow of your own life force you have become, and the blizzard of emotions that surround you is something you cannot relate with. The indecent trust you place on them giving your life in exchange just to see that they wake up with breath without a thought for your existence. You start to borrow your life, just so that you can be able to live it; you sold your elixir of life for cheap pittance. Suddenly, your world turns upside down, you see your dreamy life become a series of nightmare, you cry out the plea and the question for mercy just like you were taught in prayer. You grovel, you plead, and you despair. Your prayer of adoration becomes a string of penitence, petition and intercession; where there should have been thanksgiving for your selflessness and generosity. Praying your prayer should be answered, you offer up your body for the redemption of your fallen spirit, ‘take me’ you say, being lifeless and formless, you lay hurdled in a spot gasping for the breath that no longer tangos with your heart… the scales finally fall from your eyes, you had given your soul to another mortal, whose only pride and joy existed in the annihilation of your life from your body. Your spirit is weak and caves in, giving room for the demons that threatened to possess you. You have nothing left to give again, you grope in the darkness looking for the key to the peace you once felt, the joy that exuded from your heart, and the infrastructure of reassurance that existed for you back then.You shouldn’t have given in to the urge of falling on your knees to ask, yielding your body as the ultimate sacrifice. You have been turned into a protective mess, one kept rubbish, and a decent waste whilst another bask in the gratification of what has become of you. With one last push you bury the inner turmoil, struggling to let your voice be heard, you scream silently “Teach me to pray”, you fall flat, weak but then you smile knowing that a slow release has

come, healing for your malady, medicine for your obsession; the supernatural heard your cry and you know within yourself that your prayers have been answered.

The Significant Other

Hi, I'm back again and just like everyone knows I bring my controversies with me. Contrary to your belief, the significant other I mean here is not the 'cliched' spouse of a person, I am talking of the mistress or master that is involved in the affair. Well, it is without dispute that these sect are outcast and the only thing applicable to them is civility when their affairs burst out in the open. I am of the opinion then that reasons surrounding their choices to be mistresses is valid in their own eyes, I do not as always condemn because I can relate to how they feel, and how they might think. Have you ever wondered what happened? why they just woke up one day and decided to change their minds after possibly taking an oath never to date an 'owned' man. Well, I have and I have been able to understand it because I have found myself in this position where I have been tempted to just sleep with a married person and get away with it, not because I wanted to feel the thrill but because I didn't see a future in it. Of course you are wondering if that even makes sense at all, of course it does, look at it, for most of these mistresses; their lives have been one that has been filled with pain and pain to them is like a drug they can't do without. So they see a person that's attached and the first thing they think is pain,pleasure plus no future... stupid uhn, I think not! The judgement that is passed down to these people is in itself degrading, their lives are shattered and they are ear-marked for life. It reminds me of the story of the scarlet thread where the man is forgiven and the woman is made to live like an outcast in her village to the day of her death, isn't that just terrible? why have the instigators never been punished, most times they end up getting a stern 'don't do it again' and that's all it takes from their partners. To me, the significant other is not just the wife or the husband but the one who is left with a stigma in all these. They will feel stupid, why won't they, their self esteem will be dragged in the mud, and they will feel so hopeless that they cause pain but I think they know that this is how it was meant to be it right from the start, so their life is shelfed and then they feel caged to a particular thinking that they want to break free from but can't without help; they end up being battered and bruised and grossly inconvenienced knowing with every ounce of their being that their security is in danger but still they continue, hoping that with each pain they feel or know, another person is being inflicted with worse. So, yes, they are the significant other, the very thought of them is a threat to the legitimate partner, a scandal to their lover and disappointment to all those that are fatally involved with them and pulled into their circle. They move stealthily because they cannot dare to be open, they live shaded lives... so in my own opinion, they don't need to be blamed further or made to think that their lives are seemingly worthless. they have enough on their plates than to be constantly barraged with cruelty. There, you have it, what to do with these information now is what counts; it hurts all round; both the bruised, the injured and the instigator is scarred for life but these air marked consequences that damage the personality of everyone involved is without doubt the only solace that the mistress seeks.

BaTtErEd AnD bRuIsEd

Laying on the bed, deep in thought about what to write, my mind wandered and then it hit me – it wasn’t so far from my reach, I exhale and then I screamed “EUREKA!” Finally, it had come to me; I was going to revisit the issue of sexual abuse, you can never get enough of this topic, it is everywhere, staring us right in the face and looming over our heads. My thoughts were inundated with this, and I couldn’t shake the ugly feeling that if I didn’t talk this through, something terrible might happen. Of course you are thinking here we go again, another person is at it, blaming everyone and no one… well, what can I say but I do not follow the sect that do that, in fact, I love to indulge in the unfamiliar; instead of pointing accusing fingers, I’m here to stand up for the accused not that I am condoning their behavior ‘au contraire’ but then a little soul searching might help. It is so easy to blame the offender in this case, and in most cases, men are said to be at the receiving end even when a woman is the offender. I find it hard to believe that blaming people is that easy. Often times, the man is proven guilty even while innocent because no matter how much he is favored by the judge or members of the jury that ruled on the case; he would still wear the cloak of shame because outsiders would not let him be. It takes two to tango, well so goes the saying, it is a very hard nut to crack that this clause is in use and one party still gets all the blame. Have you ever taken the time to imagine the tango? When two lovers are involved in the most exotic and sensual of dances that are available to mankind’ they become grossly involved that the whole world is filtered and relegated to the background. It’s like no one exists. So next time you say those words just try to imagine what it is like. I’m sure a lot of people would hate me right now, well so much for truthfulness. I am in no way in sync with the perverts or sociopaths but for those that brought this dastardly act upon themselves, I can only say you got what you ask. I am on the side of people who have been blamed regardless of being faultless, I do not seek to gratify their act but I question why they are the only ones in the blame game and under scrutiny. Be it whether it is a case of straight versus straight or gay; or vice versa, there is no smoke without fire. You want to tease a man or a woman; well, go ahead but be ready for the consequences. Be ready for the danger that lurks ahead. Why would you start what you can’t finish or indulge in something that will result in pain. You don’t have an idea of who this person is, and you decide to tease him or her? Gosh, what the heck is wrong with the world? It will get to a time that because a lot of people get what they deserve in this assault cases that there would be none to rule over. It would just be another day in court and not justice being served. “Thou shalt not tempt”, that is the 1st commandment of assault cases, in no wise should we aggravate or instigate someone to act in beastly manners. It starts from little things like not sitting properly or wearing the most provocative of all dresses, even the fragrance you wear that tends to be too much, yes that… it is an instigator of something lethal.

So what do we say to ourselves, are we justified? Are we really? We want to look good but must we sell our bodies for that purpose? Must we be bruised and battered to be able to gain freedom? A lot is at stake here, and we are daily blaming ourselves because no matter who the defaulting party is, we will never remain the same again.

ZODIAC KOLO

As i sidon begin dey write this note, I just dey think how this thing don affect people. Zodiac matter no be small thing o. E dey burst some people head and some people sef dey combust on top this matter. Make my people no vex o, sey I dey write this ogboge note for pidgin. I sabi sey no be my usual style but my body just dey totori me make I nak am for this particular languagze. My friend, if you think sey e easy to just sidon dey begin dey rap for broken, na lie. De way I dey think am sef, I no no, but my hand just dey do ‘patura patura’ (dat wan na new grammar wey I just form naw naw). I no no de meaning o. I no sey u people no sey I kolo for normal African day but dis wan don pass kolo, e don be like sey crayfish dey commot play ten ten for my head (but dears, I’m loving this *smiling all the way*). As I be don dey talk before, e be like sey dis zodiac matter don scatter ground o. Shio, e no easy again, everybody don begin dey post dem sign on top all waka throw-way network wey don full ground for dis our world o. Wetin I dey yarn be sey if pesin no address dis issue, e go erupt like volcano. I no go lie for dis matter o, I don do watch dog well well sotay my nose sef don turn sniffing machine; and my tori get good ground because I arrangze am well. If I wan follow de order wey be dey dey, I go say na Aries first pass all of dem sign but I no dey do am like dat, I go enter am push Aquarius for ground first. Una see dis AQUARIUS (Jan 21 – Feb 19) people so, na oversabi dem be, dem like to dey no every tin wey sele. Na amebo work dem born dem do, dem con spoil am join sey dey no dey get feeling for pesin. If una think sey Aquarius go show una sympathy abi wetin dem dey call am in English, u don jonz be dat. Der emotion level no dey pass zero so make una shift fast fast go sympathetic another place. De correct tin about dem be sey, dey no judge anybody, so if una dey find correct friend, wey no dey judge, na de Aquarius be ya biggest bet. As for dis next groupie... chai... dey too dey dream, dem suppose be Joseph the Second 'alala'. Una see dis people ehn, dem dey call dem PISCES (Feb 20 - Mar 20) , even de name hard to pronounce sef... dem too dey like to dey waka dugbe, de wan wey Oyinbo people dey call 'Adventurer', na to say der life no stable at all, at all. But dem sabi, kai! no dey joke wiv dem o, dem too know, if dem say na wetin go sele de next minute, make una believe dem o, nitori not to believe, na wahala be dat o. dey no dey like reality sha, I get one friend like dat wey im belong to dis group, e go tell me sey na de most realistic person im be, but na lie, e no rea - anything... dey too dey touchy touchy, u no fit offend dem, kasala go burst. anyway, me I think sey dem dey okay sha but dey should try dey mellow small small o. Dem be too dey like attention, der second name be 'Attention seekers'. Der name na ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 20). hmmm, dis people no get sense, sorry o, but na truth I talk, dem no dey think before dey go open deir big gorodom which dem call mouth dey begin dey yarn anyhow. dem sabi lead sha, e be like sey, de day deir mama born dem, dey begin to dey direct people, dat one sef dey n im be good tin but forget dat one o, dey no dey sure of demselves, dem be no.1 doubting thomas, Thomas sef try pass dem. Dis TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20) people no dey hear word at all, dem stubborn; dem be like goat wey be sey if una beat dem, dey go still come back con find wahala. no be only dat o, dem lazy too ehn... kai! I no see any pesin wey lazy pass dis group, deir laziness na first grade, dem no dey like change again. I tire for dis people o, if no be sey I get dem plenti for my house, I for sey I no wan get anytin to do wit dis people, deir own too much. but dem soft sha, hei... Chimo! I no see any wan wey dey patient and generous like dis people, My heart just dey do jolly jolly as I dey think am. Na everyone get deir bad side sha. Na my people be dis, so no vex, I go dey bias small, as you see us so dey bin dey call us GEMINI (May 21 - June 21). we too dey judge pesin, before we even no dem sef, we don already dissect dem, well, no be our fault sha, na like dat we bin dey. we too sabi small gbeborun but una know dat na for better life na. we no dey show our true feelings o, so make dem no use us play ball, we dey shield our body die... kai. we bin get natural odeshi for body, noboby fit do us anyhow but we dey think well well sha. Our brain dey kampe. CANCER (June 22 - July 22) as dem call dem so, na so dem be. Dem be real cancer, dey no get emotion for body, dem be like stone wey u go try squeeze water out of am but u no fit. U no fit predict dem, dey fit be superman one minute change to wolverine de next, dem be no.1 chameleon; and dem be like plastic,dem too dey fragile but dem dey trust people sha, and dey sabi hold sometin for mind for very very long time. Na LEO (July 23 - August 21) be ma next target, dem no dey get side for anybody mata, but dem too dey pretend...Ngwanu?, dem be like tortoise wey dey hide inside im shell make nobody see im true colour. Dey no too get money sense too, dem dey spend anyhow. Deir head com swell like ball wey no refuse to burst because of pride wey dem get inside dem. But dem good o, sey dey no dey get anybody for mind, if una offend dem just no sey dem go forgive you true true. Dis kind people no too dey think, dey no even get wetin dey wan do for mind. Deir name na VIRGO (Aug 22 - Sept 23), u see dis people ehn, dey too dey like arrangze deir mind and dey sabi worry, Chai, even poor pesin wey get problem no fit match deir kin worry. Blessed are the peacemakers, Amem! dey sabi settle quarrel, in short dey fit turn am to hobby, dey no like fight at all, and dem will solve problem pass pesin pastor sef. Na real party people be dis next set, dey like de high life, if deir nose smell owambe 50feet away, dem go dey der. Dey call dem LIBRA (Sept 24 - Oct 23). As deir name be, na so dem be, Libra be like wen u talk sey pesin free, dey bin want make everybody like dem, and na dem like demself pass but dey sabi put ear for sometin pesin dey talk, and dey sabi show concern sef. Dey get sense well well but dey no dey like to show am, and deir life dey peaceful boku. Jealousy jealousy na im dey worry the next group, their name be like scorpion, una wan hear am,na SCORPIO (Oct 24 - Nov 22). Dey sabi do cunny cunny, and dem too dey like to dey control people and dem sabi keep secret like dat badger whisperer animal wey dey hide and no wan make any body see am. dem too dey emotional and dey sabi suspect pesin too much. but sha o, dem go sabi do student well union cos na dem dey loyal pass. Waka dugbe for everywhere, dey too sabi waka around the world, dem be dey call dem SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23 - Dec 22). dey no like commitment, no fit stay with one pesin for long, dey like to dey jump up and down, na busy body dem be. Dey dem work better wen pressure dey on top deir head sha and dem dey independent plenty. Last last na de CAPRICORN (Dec 23 - Jan 20) be dis o. Dem dey get discipline well well like military, dem too dey structuralized everytin, and dem be like watch dog wey dey check everytin wey dey happen for everywhere. But dem like to dey command pesin too much sha, dat one sef no dey okay and dey no dey think somethin at all. As I write all dis kin pesin full for here, I hope sey you people no dey vex for me as I don analyse una so. Abeg no vex o, no be me talk am, na so e bin dey.