It surely seems like a fiction how my life is going from ordered to mayhem...
Surely I am to blame but who knows? I could never have imagined that I could make some decisions to elude some part of me that felt like a cover, but as they say, change is the only constant thing in nature.
I'm angry, no doubt! so angry, I could be sick because I even feel sick already. My present disposition to people around me now is not to care. I have suddenly become selfish and that has a way of rubbing off on me because I decided to take a decision I wouldn't have thought possible.
I preach forgiveness but I found out that I can't forgive because I'm so bitter... the words that so crushed my soul while 'twas said to me- a lowly soul so pure and innocent now become an angered embittered one. Why did you have to crush me so, why did you have to damage the little joy I felt from caring so deeply for you my friend?
I try to conquer the demon within, fight the ghosts of the past and prevent them from hunting me... my darkest hour is just beginning don't know when I will witness the first light of day...
It reminds me of the vampire nature that only darkness permits. I am a vampire of my own flesh allowing my own sins to cascade the first mark of the twilight hour...
I made promises I shouldn't have and I'm at the verge of destroying me slowly...
I just anticipate the sweet thrill of knowing that I care again for another person but not be destroyed by that care... Make me see reasons... Make me see reasons...
As I change into this horrible monster of the night give me a reason to wish for dawn... Give me a reason not to bite into the bitter-sweet taste of unforgiveness... Give me a reason to be a soulful being who has healed from herself and learnt that you can save yourself and not everyone...
No comments:
Post a Comment