You can’t put the Old in the New

Everyone wants their lives to be like the movies, but no one ever thinks about what happens after; when the music finally stops playing. The harsh reality setting in, invading our emotions and our daydreams, making us wish for something we may never have. Common look at it, fairytales, the make believe world of make believe. Well... who knows what the ‘glass half-empty’ would look like that’s why we always want the glass half-full to give us hope that everything can be better and our own big dreams would come true. This is the world of reality people, a world where the car honks angrily at you just ‘cause it missed you by a heartbeat. A life where misery exists without seeing the big dream ahead, a life where a guy/girl walks off without even wishing they had you back. The real world people; that’s what it’s called not a world of fairies, unicorns, centaurs or mermaids; the list is endless. My mind moves in gazillion directions trying to find the connection to it all, the woe, the heartache, and the mystery behind the misery. It is so hard to even come to terms with the possibilities that exist within these occurrences and trying to decipher the unique code that seeks to bind them all together. The unholy matrimony between catastrophe and disorganization making it impossible to swallow; what happens when the abstract becomes the major determinant of your life, the beginning of the ending, the dark to the light, shades of grey in black and white. Suddenly all that used to be clear blue skies become a disharmony of dark clouds clashing with the thunder, and the lightning that follows just after it; the colors of the rainbow becoming a perfect misfit, blue meshing with the violet to form a deeper in-distinctive color that leaves only room for doubt of better days to come. This makes you feel like you’ve lost everything, and everything you ever believed in has been taken away from you to be replaced by this ugly monster in your head that tells you that things will never get better and you have to let it because at that junction, you are so consumed with melancholy that you cannot think of anything positive. What do you do when the pledge of forever has been taken out of the emotional equation to leave you with an imbalanced answer that makes the teacher of life mark you wrong at all turn? What happens when the catalyst whose usefulness to speed up the chemical reaction ends up damaging the whole compound? How do you cope with the intensifying pain that comes with being objectified just because of the way you feel? You become a recluse whose only mind is invaded by self-pity and self-loathe, the unworthiness of belonging to a world where everyone else is worthy and you are the only sorry excuse of a being who managed to be just put on earth as an object of mockery by the Creator. All these come from the guilt that you have borne on behalf of another who has indiscriminately hurt you without a thought to your mental state of mind. What do you do when you find that the person you’ve trusted all your life cheats on you with another, when all you’ve been concerned about was their safety? Usually, it’s not so hard to promise yourself and swear to God that you will never associate yourself with that individual again; but then, that’s all you can think about even after the Divorce, separation, the parting of ways or whatever. It is not an easy period for anyone involved in this can of infidelity. You can’t just pretend that they are non existence because at that point everyone knows; and it seems like wherever you go, or whatever you do, there is that constant reminder of what that being also meant to you. Some promise unforgiveness, others never to trust again but all you are really achieving is increasing the capacity to get hurt even deeper. You can’t go on living your life like seeing another day is the worst thing that can happen to you. In my opinion, I am with the school of thought that a break at that time is like a breath of fresh air; it helps to clear your system and it gives that distinct sense of freedom that you almost, probably, maybe lacked right from the beginning. Not just the physical break but emotionally as well from everything that you ever attached to the other in the first place. Then you let go of all the hurt, hatred, unforgiveness not just because you have to but for yourself to help start a fresh course in life. You might not get back together but eventually you will learn that those mistakes help shape who you are going ahead to be. It’ll be your decision eventually if you’d let them back into your life or if you are better off without them; but without this healing, you will find it hard to let other great individuals who have the capacity to change your life for the better into your life and even when you do, 20 years down the line it will have the potential to harm you and the others you’ve moved on with. Therefore, you have to re-direct all the negative energy and put into something you know will yield positivity. Just let go and let God. To be continued...